he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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