You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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