My underwear smells like fireworks.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
