Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
