dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
