I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
