If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
