Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
