you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
