Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
