It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
