I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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