i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
