So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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