he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
