come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
