you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
