why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
