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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He shit in the fireplace
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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