And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
