just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
