i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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