Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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