And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
