i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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