Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
