Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My dick has a subreddit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
