i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
