but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
