3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
