K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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