Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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