I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
