I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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