everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i drank out of a bidet.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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