i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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