First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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