I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
