Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
how drunk are you?
Several
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
