Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
