i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
