It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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