i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
