Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
