Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
