It's like God shit irony all over that family
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
