i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he thought i was a dude.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
