Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
