I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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