I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
