do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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