u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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