my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
