I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
