Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
