just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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